Dear Family

The last few months I’ve intentionally needed my space from all of you. I think I still do.

I am very sick again. Almost every single day, I wake up and have to battle against my own brain, and the thoughts and feelings I have every moment of every day. What I deal with is extremely scary, and these are things doctors have even avoided until the last decade or two. 

All I’ve ever wanted is to be loved and accepted by my family. To dad, after you all left, I was just a pawn in some game, to control and manipulate. I was not his daughter. The things I heard him say are horrifying, and something I have to live with. I have had to have trauma therapy to help me process what happened at home after you were all gone. To say it was bad would be an understatement. All I wanted back then was for one of you to come and rescue me from my home. But none of you ever came.

In a way, that little girl is still waiting for you all to love and accept me for who I am. Even as an adult, I don’t belong with the rest of you.

So, I am doing what I always do. Fighting through my battles alone. I don’t have the capacity for people who can’t accept and support me right now. 

When any of you are ready to hear it, just ask. But until then, I don’t know when I’ll be ready for all of you. It’s scary and dark and unbelievable, but this is the life I have been given and I have to

find my way… with or without my family.

I love you all and miss you, but I need love and support right now, not judgement and the unkind words I hear so frequently. It costs nothing to be kind.

Stay well.

Love,

Emily